FRANKEN TAKES COMIC JABS AT TRUMP

By Jonathan Goetz

Photo: CNN screenshot

July 25, 2016 (Philadelphia) --Comedian-turned Senator Al Franken (D-Minn) drew laughs at the Democratic National Convention’s opening day in Philadelphia Monday with his spiel on Trump University and barbs aimed at Trump’s business acumen.

 “Clearly dare I say Donald Trump’s huge success as a businessman qualifies him to be President. And if you believe that. I’ve got some delicious Trump steaks to sell you,”  Franken quipped.

View video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRLWAH1l1p0. See full transcript below:

TRANSCRIPT

Hi I’m Al Franken, Minnesotan.

Senator.

And world renowned expert on right-wing megalomaniacs.

Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, and now Donald Trump.

Now, a little about my qualifications.

I got my doctorate in megalomaniac studies from Trump University.

Sure I had to empty out my 401k and take a reverse mortgage on my house to pay tuition.

But Mr. Trump, or rather some people who say they once met him, convinced me that it was worth it.

And frankly as a proud alum of Trump U I think we may be mis-underestimating Mr. Trump.

Sure he scammed a lot of people.

But did you know that Trump University School of ripping people off is ranked second in the nation?

Right behind Bernie Madoff University.

That is no mean feat. And Trump University is about more than just bilking people although trust me, you will get bilked.

It’s also about learning directly from success experts like Scott Bao, Mike Tyson and of course a life sized cardboard cutout of Mr. Trump himself.

Now of course Trump University wouldn’t be Trump University without its Business School, known throughout the real estate industry as the most creative. Their bankruptcy program is the most popular course, how to leave your business partners holding the bag, and is taught by the cardboard cutout itself.

The pride of Trump University of course is its library, located in a shelf on the closet in the third floor of Trump’s tower.

All of Mr. Trump’s best sellers are available for sale at a special rate for students which is 10% higher than the retail price.

Clearly dare I say Donald Trump’s huge success as a businessman qualifies him to be President.

And if you believe that. I’ve got some delicious Trump steaks to sell you.

In all seriousness, I think rather than voting for someone who has never done anything for anyone other than himself maybe we should go for a candidate who has spent her entire life working to get important things done for the American people.

I’ve known Hillary for almost a quarter century. I’ve never met anyone smarter, tougher, or more ready to lead us forward.

I am proud to call Hillary Clinton my friend and I can’t wait to call her Madame President.

Now.

Now we’re going to have a lot of fun this week.

But when we wake up Friday morning there will be 102 days left until the election and what you - yes - all of you -  do in those 102 days could determine who wins (the presidency) and I mean that literally.

I won my first Senate race in Minnesota by 312 votes.

Look up there at the Minnesota delegation. There are people up there who contacted more than 312 people themselves and literally I would not be here the reason I am they are each of them individually the reason I am giving this speech here and not into my bathroom mirror.

My friend Paul Wellstone, used to say the future belongs to those who are passionate and work hard.

It’s all about hard work.

Now, many of you have jobs. Many of you have families. Ignore them.

Let me tell you something.

Kids love it when their parents aren’t home.

An eight-year old kid knows how to use a microwave oven. An eight-year old kid can teach a four-year old kid how to use a microwave oven. They’ll be fine you have work to do.

Get on those phones, knock on those doors, and tell them Al Franken sent you. Thank you!