JAMUL INDIANS SCRAP CASINO PLANS, WILL BUILD CHARGERS STADIUM INSTEAD

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A little April Fool's Day Fun.

By Horse Feathers

April 1, 2015 (Jamul) – The Jamul Indian tribe today made a surprise announcement, revealing that it has abandoned plans to build a Hollywood-themed Casino and instead reached an agreement with the National Football League (NFL) and Chargers to build a new sports stadium on its six-acre Jamul Indian Village site.

The team will play its nine home games at the state-of-the-art stadium equipped with deluxe sky boxes and adjacent high-rollers lounge, plus seating for 79,000 fans.

Since the stadium will be on tribal land, there won’t be a problem betting on games.  In fact slot machines and gaming tables will be installed throughout the stadium including in the parking lot, where each parking space will be equipped with its own slot machine for ‘tailgate party gambling.’  Inside, each stadium seat will be equipped with “place your bet” buttons.

Contracts are in negotiations to also hold monster truck rallies and demolition derbies at the facility, as well as to construct a Monte Carlo style race track around the stadium grounds. 

The Jamul tribe has purchased naming rights to the team.  Some suggestions include Jamulian Chargers and Kumeyaay Cougars. 

According to Barry Diggums, construction superintendent for Frycore Construction, the deep hole and 45,000 tons of dirt already removed from the site is a good beginning for the stadium foundation and subterranean fantasy football lounge.

The announcement caused a split among members of Jamulians Against Casinos, with half lining up to buy season tickets and the other half staging a protest, carrying signs reading “Not anti-football, just anti-stadium.”

Tribal spokesman Joseph Rolling-Dice says, “This is a win-win for tribal members, Chargers fans, gamblers and the community.  Some days it’s great to be indigenous. Some days it’s great to gamble. GO CHARGERS!”

Happy April Fool’s Day!  View more April Fool’s Day 2015 stories here.