April Fools Day 2013

NEWS FLASH! MAJOR BREAKING STORIES: SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR ALL READERS

 

April 1, 2013—East County Magazine has the exclusive scoop on astounding major stories breaking today.

  • ECM acquires surveillance drone reporter
  • Backcountry towns secede to form new county, create ultimate wildlife preserve
  • Coming attractions: Amusement park, movie studio to replace Grossmont Center
  • San Diegans plan party for "do or die final battle"
  • Anonymous donor buys Julian-Cuyamaca Fire District
  • Jamul Indians to build casino in Jacumba Hot Springs
  • Spotlight El Cajon: F St. Performing Arts Center unveiled

Is truth stranger than fiction? You decide. Be sure to click this hot link  to view these stories in our extra-special April 1st edition. (Trust us, you won't want to miss this news!)  Then click "read more" to open each story and get the full scoop.

ECM ACQUIRES SURVEILLANCE DRONE

 

Special Report by Seymour Crooks

April 1, 2013 (San Diego’s East County)  -- There’s a new reporter on the beat over East County’s skies. Thanks to a generous bequest from an anonymous donor, East County Magazine announces acquisition of a surveillance drone.  Our publication joins a growing number of journalism organizations that seek to deploy drones, as U.S. News recently reported.

BACKCOUNTRY TOWNS SECEDE TO FORM NEW COUNTY, CREATE ULTIMATE WILDLIFE PRESERVE

 

Special Report By Otto B. Free

April 1, 2013 (Jacumvardo)—Three East County communities— Jacumba , Boulevard and Campo, have voted to secede from San Diego County.

“We reject the designation of our region as an energy corridor,” said Donna Tisdale, who will chair a newly elected board of supervisors in the newly formed Jacumvardo County.  “By forming our own County, we are taking back control over our own land use decisions and preserving our rural community character. This move also gives us the opportunity to create a unique economy based on eco-tourism that will assure protection of endangered species--past and present.”

COMING ATTRACTIONS: MOVIE STUDIO, AMUSEMENT PARK TO REPLACE GROSSMONT CENTER

 

Special Report By Opie Taylor

April 1, 2013 (La Mesa)--The Cushman family, owners of Grossmont Center, announced yesterday that the La Mesa Planning Commission has approved plans to revive  La Mesa's historic Flying A Studio as part of their redevelopment plans when the shopping center's lease runs out . The ambitious redevelopment plans combine the movie studio with an amusement theme park that reflects our region’s heritage.  The new development is slated to open to the public for studio tours and amusement park rides in spring 2016.

The first film to be produced at the studio will be Mayberry: The Movie.  Jim Nabors, who played Gomer Pyle in the original TV series, will cut the opening ribbon at Goober's Grub Cafe to be located in the theme park.

SAN DIEGANS PLAN PARTY FOR “DO-OR-DIE FINAL BATTLE”

 

“I’m planning to ride the end-of-the-world wave when those bombs start hitting the Pacific. Cowabunga!” -- Sandy "Surf Dog" Shores

Special Report By Dawn Last

April 1, 2013 (Ocean Beach)-- Hundreds of San Diego residents have flocked to the beach to begin a vigil watching for incoming missiles that the North Korean government announced  it intends to launch against U.S. military bases  in an effort to turn our nation into a “boiled pumpkin,” in the words of dictator Kim Jun Un. 

The U.S. State Department officially maintains that the threats are merely “bellicose rhetoric” and that the missiles can't reach our shores.

Undaunted,  San Diego beach residents are organizing  “an end of the world party to end all parties,” as a flyer posted in Ocean and Mission Beach proclaims. After Kim Jun Un was photographed with a map of possible targets, San Diego  was clearly in the bullseye--a fact not lost on students  eager for any excuse to party over spring break.

ANONYMOUS DONOR BUYS JULIAN –CUYAMACA FIRE DEPARTMENT

 

Special Report By  Rock E. Miner

April 1, 2013 (Julian) – As ECM previously reported, an anonymous donor recently offered a  large donation to end the Julian-Cuyamaca Fire Protection District’s budget gap for this year.  Despite the generous donation, however, the fire district’s board refused to assure townspeople that it would not dissolve the district and hand over firefighting responsibilities to the County.

The board offered to settle the matter with an apple pie-eating contest: winner takes the fire district.  But the citizens refused to participate. So today, the wealthy and determined donor announced a permanent solution to aid this historic mining region.

JAMUL INDIANS TO BUILD CASINO IN JACUMBA HOT SPRINGS

 

A Special Report by Rollin Dice

April 1, 2013 (Jacumba Hot Springs) – The Jamul Indian tribe announced today that tribal leaders have reached an agreement to build an off-reservation casino at the site of the former Hotel Jacumba.  The original hotel, once a magnet for Hollywood celebrities in the 1930s and 40s, burned to the ground decades ago.

SPOTLIGHT EL CAJON: F STREET PERFORMING ARTS CENTER UNVEILED

 

 

Special Report By Lacey Blue

April 1, 2013 (El Cajon ) -- In a joint statement released  Friday by the City of El Cajon and San Diego-based F Street Corporation, the chain of locally-owned adult bookstores revealed that it has reached a definitive agreement to purchase naming rights for the troubled East County Performing Arts Center (ECPAC) in downtown El Cajon.