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SPECIAL EDITION April 1, 2010




April Fools' News East of I-15

NEWFLASH! MAJOR BREAKING STORIES—SPECIAL MESSAGE FOR ALL READERS

 

April 1, 2010—East County Magazine had the exclusive scoop on some astounding major stories breaking today.

 

Is truth stranger than fiction? You decide. Be sure to click this hot link to view these stories and oodles more in our extra-special April 1st edition. (Trust us, you won't want to miss this!)

SANTEE DANGLES BAIT, LURES CHARGERS TO EAST COUNTY

 

By E.Z. Pickens
 

April 1, 2010 (Santee) – The San Diego Chargers have received an offer from the City of Santee to construct a new Chargers stadium in the East County community.
 

“This will be a win-win for the Chargers and East County,” said Santee Mayor Randy Voepel, wearing a sporty bolts blazer. With the upcoming completion of Highway 52, Santee will be easily accessible from all parts of San Diego. Having an NFL team in Santee will not only be good for Charger fans, but will also boost revenues for our city.”

BLACK WATER RETURNS TO POTRERO

 

By Dinah Saur

April 1, 2010 (Potrero) – Two years after Blackwater USA withdrew its proposal to build a private military base in Round Potrero Valley, the property owner welcomes a new version of black water on the site.

SDSU TO ELIMINATE CALIFORNIA STUDENTS

By Skip Tover Grad

April 1, 2010 (San Diego) – After realizing significant savings by eliminating local student admission guarantees, San Diego State University (SDSU) President Stephen Weber has announced a bold new initiative to save taxpayers even more money.
 

“We have decided to eliminate California students altogether,” Weber said. “With the budget crisis, we regret that we just can’t afford to provide an education for kids in our own community or home state."

PADRES SIGN CHULA VISTA SLUGGING AND PITCHING STAR

 

By Ima Fann

April 1, 2010 (San Diego) – The San Diego Padres today announced that they have signed Luke Ramirez, 13, ace pitcher and batting champion from the Park View Little League World Series winning team in Chula Vista.
 

The move is expected to boost attendance for the Padres, given the enormous popularity of the Chula Vista world champs, while also adding some muscle to the lineup and the pitcher’s mound.

EL CAJON ANNOUNCES SOLUTION TO BUDGET CRISIS

By Art Rich and Jack Pott

April 1, 2010 (El Cajon) -- Faced with a growing budget gap and boarded up storefronts downtown as a result of the recession, the City of El Cajon announced today that it has sold naming rights to City Hall, Main Street, and the East County Performing Arts Center.
 

“We saw a market opportunity to let these generous corporate partners buy influence AND boost their public images—all perfectly legally,” said Mayor Mark Lewis.

SEVEN WONDERS IN EAST COUNTY: BOLD PLAN ASPIRES TO BRING TOURISM TO OUR REGION

 

 

April 1, 2010 (San Diego’s East County) – The Chaldean community, in partnership with Cuyamaca College, San Diego State University, and Supervisor Dianne Jacob, have announced plans to create an economically sustainable tourism program for East County.

LA MESA CHAMBER OF COMMERCE DOUBLES PRODUCTIVITY, OFFERS UNIQUE TWO-FOR-ONE OFFER

 

By Biz. E. Bee

 

April 1, 2010 (La Mesa) -- In these days with everyone looking for bargains, cutting out discount offers from local newspapers, and printing out on-line coupons, the La Mesa Chamber refuses to be outdone. The organization is offering a unique two-for-one offer unheard of in the hemisphere - two of its CEO, Mary England to do the job of the past “one” Mary England. That's right - two of Mary England instead of one.

 

The Chamber is in negotiations right now to clone England at a laboratory in Northern California. The location of this cloning procedure cannot be revealed as not to draw attention to this process that is not embraced by everyone.

ART MADRID NAMED LA MESA'S MAYOR IN PERPETUITY

 

Politics and religion mix in faith-based power pact

 

By Francine Phillips

 

April 1, 2010 (La Mesa) -- La Mesa’s long-time Mayor Art Madrid has signed a pact with the powers that be to remain the Mayor of La Mesa for eternity. Rumors that his political career is dead are unfounded. Madrid will still be mayor even after his earthly demise, St. Peter confirmed in an exclusive interview with East County Magazine.

BAD MONEY: HOW TO BE SMART WITH YOUR MONEY, "PARTY HEARTY" & SURVIVE AN ECONOMIC COLLAPSE

A column written for the East County Magazine
 

“Your guide to financial planning & socially responsible investing”
 

 By Judith L. Seid, CFP ®
President, Blue Summit Financial Group
  

April 1st, 2010 (San Diego) --The rules of finance have changed since the economic collapse that began in October 2008. The global financial crisis, due largely to unregulated corporations engaging in greed-driven behavior, has caused us to re-think what is currently considered good financial advice.
 
So on this April 1st, 2010, I hereby concur that we have a new set of “foolish” financial rules to live by. Here is my top ten list:

 

NEW FESTIVAL CENTER FOR EAST COUNTY: “JAMULEY FEST” TO KICK OFF CELEBRATIONS

By Will U. Party

April 1, 2010 (Rancho San Diego) – Building on the success of recent events sponsored by the Rancho San Diego-Jamul Chamber last year, Valerie Harrison, the region’s de facto mayor extraordinaire, has declared her intent to host the most community events of any jurisdiction in San Diego County.

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