April Fools 2024

CAJON ZONE AMUSEMENT CENTER TO REPLACE WALMART AT PARKWAY PLAZA

 

By Joy Player

April 1, 2024 (El Cajon)—Parkway Plaza shopping mall  today announced that the vacant former Walmart store will be converted to a massive indoor recreational center to be called “Cajon Zone.”

The facility, to be expanded vertically, will be a four-story haven for children and the young at heart. It will include an indoor water park complete with spiraling slides and inner tube floats, elevated skywalk and jogging track, fitness center, ice skating and NFL-sized hockey rink, rock-climbing walls, roller skating rink, roller derby track and more.

“El Cajon has many under-served communities that can benefit from this multi-sport facility,” said Max Bucks, CEO of Cajon Zone. “There’s something for everyone here.”


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MIRACLE OF THE FISHES

By Ben Anglin

April 1, 2024 (Alpine) – More than a year after extreme draining killed all the fish in Loveland Reservoir, California Fish & Wildlife authorities confirm that schools of  fish are once again populating the reservoir.

This phenomena has occurred despite Sweetwater Water Authority’s refusal to invest in restocking the lake,  and despite federal and state wildlife authorities opposition to restocking with nonnative fish that previously inhabited the lake.  This has led to speculation as to how the fish have repopulated.

“It’s a miracle!” declared  Father Jesús Milagro, comparing the resurrection of bass, carp and bluegill at Loveland to the miraculous fish catches described in the Gospel of Luke.

Others have alternative ideas.


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GRANT TO UPGARDE STORM DRAINS BRINGS CANALS TO LEMON GROVE

By Bella Limone

April 1, 2024 (Lemon Grove) – The City of Lemon Grove today announced a grant to upgrade the city’s storm drain system and beautiful the city’s main thoroughfares with a system of canals.

A new filtration system will recycle rainwater and irrigation run-off to replenish water in canals lost to evaporation.


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