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April Fools Day 2011




April Fools Day 2011

NEWSFLASH: MAJOR BREAKING STORIES!

 

 April 1, 2011—East County Magazine has the exclusive scoop on astounding major stories breaking today.

 

Is truth stranger than fiction? You decide. Click this link to our extra-special edition Friday, April 1st . Trust us, you won't want to miss this news. 

 What are your thoughts on these stories? Post your comments!

Bonus points if you can answer these questions:

LIBYAN LEADER CAPTURED AT SAN DIEGO BORDER

 

By Justin Time

 

April 1, 2011 (Campo) – Shortly before dawn this morning, U.S. Border Patrol agents made a startling discovery along the border south of Campo in San Diego’s East County.

HOG WILD: COUNTY HOLDS 1ST ANNUAL WILD PIG ROUNDUP & RODEO

 

By Buck N. Hamm
 

April 1, 2011 (Lakeside) – San Diego County officials today hosted a special event aimed at culling herds of wild pigs that are rampaging through the backcountry, destroying native habitat.

 

“Modeled after the Bureau of Land Management’s popular program for reducing surplus wild mustangs on public lands, our County has teamed up with Cleveland National Forest and local Harley Davidson clubs to sponsor the first annual Hog Wild pig roundup and run,” Supervisor Dianne Jacob announced, cutting a ribbon as a herd of stampeding pigs raced through the streets of Lakeside.

CAL-TRANS, SANDAG REVEAL PLAN FOR DOUBLE-DECKER FREEWAY TO JULIAN

 

By Joy Ryder

 

April 1, 2011 (Julian) – Highway 67 is notorious for the many head-on collisions and fatality crashes which have occurred on the winding stretch from Lakeside to Julian. Today, Cal-Trans and the San Diego Association of Governments (SANDAG) announced a solution.

 

In a joint press conference outside Julian Apple Pie Company, a major project sponsor, officials from both agencies revealed plans to replace old 67 with a new double-decker freeway from Santee to Julian.
 

DUAL-MAYOR TICKET TO BE ANNOUNCED IN SAN DIEGO

By Mary Paulet

 

April 1, 2011 (San Diego) East County Magazine has learned that the Democratic Party will announce a surprising endorsement next Monday in the 2012 San Diego Mayoral Race.

 

A prominent Democratic source and Wikileaks have leaked documents to ECM indicating that Democrats will endorse not one, but two candidates running as a team: Congressman Bob Filner and State Senator Christine Kehoe, in a first-ever co-mayoral candidacy.

CUYAMACA COLLEGE TO OPEN SATELLITE CAMPUS--IN ASIA

 

By R. U. Smart

 April 1, 2011 (Rancho San Diego) – Faced with a growing budget gap, the Grossmont-Cuyamaca Community College District today announced a major new means of boosting tuitions and revenues.

 

“Cuyamaca College will open our district’s first satellite campus this summer in Thailand,” announced Henri Migala, executive dean of institutional advancement. “Cuyamaca has gained an international reputation for our instruction in green jobs and sustainable technology, which we will now be outsourcing to Asia.”

MEMBERS "PICK" NEW BENEFITS AT RANCHO SAN DIEGO-JAMUL CHAMBER:

  

“CHAMBER MAIDS" TOUR ANNOUNCED

 

April 1, 2011 (Rancho San Diego) – A free banjo lesson taken during a Chamber-led tour of Deering Banjo factory in Spring Valley proved music to Valerie Harrison’s ears. “I never knew I had musical talent before,” said the plucky President of the Rancho San Diego-Jamul Chamber of Commerce. 

BATTLING RATTLERS

 

By Rob Deason, Deerhorn Valley Antler Editor

 

April 1, 2011 (Deerhorn Valley) -- I saw them first out the kitchen window. The two big rattlesnakes were poised about a foot apart, heads high, their tails sizzling like frying bacon. They were squaring off, two big males I guessed 'cause they sure looked mean and fierce.

EL CAJON DECLARED SAFE HAVEN: CHOSEN SANCTUARY CITY BY HIGH POWERS

 

By Wanda B. Sekure
 

April 1, 2011 (El Cajon) -- The National Association of Insurance Commissioners has declared El Cajon the safest city in America.

 

“Our underwriters found that El Cajon is ideally situated to minimize risks of a catastrophe,” said Commissioner Macon Wills. “Not only is El Cajon midway between the Rose Canyon and Elsinore earthquake fault lines, it also sits far enough north to avoid border violence, inland a good half-hour from the coast, and a full 53 miles away from the San Onofre nuclear power plant,” he noted, adding that the U.S. has recommended a 50-mile evacuation zone around Japan’s troubled reactors. “ If a nuke meltdown, tsunami or killer quake occurs,” Wills declared, “El Cajon is going to look like heaven.”

VIDEO ADVENTURES IN EAST COUNTY: DISCOVERING THE LOST CITY OF EL CAPITAN

 

By Billy Ortiz
 

April 1, 2011 (Lakeside) – Back on December 27, ECM reported on my fall during a rockslide on El Capitan Mountain in Lakeside, when a 500-pound boulder dislodged and rolled over my leg. Thankfully I’ve recovered.

 

What hasn’t been reported until now, however, is the amazing discovery that resulted. I recently returned and found a hidden tunnel revealed behind that boulder, leading deep within the mountain. Inside, I discovered a vast underground lake. Even more astoundingly, after exploring it via kayak, I found the ruins of an entire lost civilization!

PAY FOR PLAY: ACCESS TO LAKE MURRAY WILL NO LONGER BE FREE

 

By Nancy Clement, La Mesa writer and Lake Murray Aficionado

 

April 1, 2011 (La Mesa) - Barbara (Cleves) Anderson, the honorary Mayor of Lake Murray, just announced that she met with the San Diego City Council--and big changes will be happening at Lake Murray beginning June 1st. Water skiing will be allowed at the west side of the lake near the ball fields and second, there will a fee charged for being at the lake.

These recommendations were based on a feasibility study conducted by SCAMDAG.

RUNNING IN GRANDFATHER’S SHADOW

 

Jamul Soccer Player Destined for Greatness

 

Story and photo by Ron Logan

 

April 1, 2011 (Jamul) – If you were a die-hard indoor soccer fan in the early 1990s you may remember the name Herb Duryea. His story was quite an amazing one and it created quite a buzz back in the day. 

 

 Now, his legend lives on--at an ostrich farm in Jamul.

WILL POWER REPORT: OBAMA ORDERS MASSIVE FINANCIAL RESTRUCTURING

 

Nothing but the truth!

 

By Will Power

 

April 1, 2011 (Washington D.C.) -- In an unprecedented turnabout, President Barack Obama announced he is confiscating the excess profits of banks and brokers who profited from the recent Wall Street Crash. All the bonuses paid out will be seized and used to pay down the national debt.

 

Even more important, President Obama ordered oil companies and pharmaceutical companies to lower their prices by 25% , or face nationalization. The third important change was a halt to all home foreclosures, Homes which are in danger of foreclosure are ordered into arbitration and refinancing.

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